老闆先生

These days, I am thinking about that one.
Something I promised before without deeply thinking,
and it becomes heavier from one day to the other.
Every time I felt like I can't breathe by the pressure of it,
I talked to someone to release it.
I thought I was under the pressure at that time.
Until this time again,
I found it's a bad cycle.
It's wrong.

It happened so many times, why I still can't really recover?
Even if I recover this time, I will be soon under the pressure again.
Then, I doubted that I was forced to accept it by myself from the very start.
I accepted it because there was nothing about my future in my brain.
So I think: Ok, I try it.
It's a fault I made.
I should think it more deeply, more serious, more detailed.
And it's not the way I want to go, maybe not the way I should go.
I have clearer directions than before in my brain.
I decided to stop it.

But I was very scary the reaction of teacher.
I was worried that I'm too impetuous.
It may make teacher angry or something bad happen.
So I asked few people, tried to figure out if it is an action without thinking.
And I found it's a thing that I must to do.
I lost the courage a little bit on the way.
But should I give it up?
I don't think so.

I tried to find the book I bought before, which is called "Be Your Personal Best".
I have few chapters left.
It has an additional brochure.
I have not read it yet.
It is 2 letters to combine with.
One for parents, the other for youngsters.
I read the one for youngsters.
It's about the right of choosing.
We have the right of choosing ourselves' future.
We can and we should affect it actively.
Don't waste time in others' life.
If you follow the decision that doesn't make by yourself,
you are in others life, not in yours.
I was encourged by these paragraphs.
I told myself I have to be brave.

Finally, I wrote the e-mail to teacher to say sorry about that.
I was afraid that teacher may disagree.
Thinking about that, I lost confidence a little bit.
But I told myself, I have to be tougher, firmer.
I have to think anyways to solve the trouble caused by me.
I thought about every conversation it may happen, every question teacher might ask, and the answers to the question.

Then, I looked my mailbox.
Teacher replied.
"It's ok. Don't too care about it."
I was surprised.
That's it?
Because of the unrealistic feeling,
I think maybe something would following happen.
I must be careful.
I'm not doing to celebrate my freedom these days.
It's too strange.

Anyway,
I can do something I want to do,
or learn something I want to learn finally.
I have to cherish the time, the space and the freedom that GOD gives me as a gift.

Thank God~
Thanks to the people who helped me.
Thank you! ^^